Will the real me please stand up...

I’m continually fed up of trying to be someone I’m not.  There’s so many times I’d love to just break the norms – do something different – like in a business meeting, to actually make it fun as if I was at home playing with the kids, or when out with friends to be able to say the things I want and not worry about what they think.  It’s not only me that feels like this I know, as I talk to many friends and clients (as a coach), who desperately want to be free to be themselves.

In fact it’s so engrained in us sometimes, that we don’t know who we are anyway.  At school we’re told to sit still and listen, maybe less so these days but certainly when I was at school – there was a certain way you SHOULD behave and a certain way you SHOULD dress and look.  Of course there are socially appropriate behaviours and I’m not talking about those (who defines those anyway?) but I am talking about being squeezed into a mould – whether that’s culturally, racially, gender whatever – we all know how we are expected to be and what happens if we don’t fit that mould?

Then we go to college/university and again are expected to be a certain way – then work, marriage, kids – even as I write this I notice that the path is so expected.  So what happens to our real selves in this?  Some of us I’ve noticed have the knack of carving our own path, our own identity and seem to be authentic.  But then others of us struggle with those questions of, “will they like me if I’m serious instead of always funny?” “what if I say I don’t actually want to do that?” “How would it be to just do business my way?”

Since becoming a coach, running my own business and raising a family I’ve been on that roller coaster of rides that says you must do THIS to succeed, no you must do THIS and on it goes.  It’s all new to me so I strive to fit in but there’s something not right, something isn’t quite gelling and I know what it is – I’ve lost the essence of me in all this.  Will the real me stand up?  Well yes I would if I knew who that was.  And yes I’m sure there are bits of me in all the roles I try to play but there are moments of clarity when I know without a shadow of doubt that I’m being myself, that people are really seeing and getting the value of me.

That’s the sad thing about our quest to fit in – people lose out on the magic that only we can bring.  Each individual has something unique to bring and when we check out and try to be someone else, then everyone loses.

So where are you on this journey?  How much of you is visible to those around you and could you even describe who you are to someone else?  If not then don’t be ashamed you’re not alone!  Who you are is amazing and others need to see that.  Find ways to succeed that honour your values, passions and strengths – then you will have a much more lasting impact on your world.